Parenting In Our Town

By Dr. Bob Roden

Dr. Bob Roden

Have You Thanked Your Child Today?

Remember “do-overs” when you were a kid? Sometimes I wish I had the same opportunity as a parent.

I often said, “Clean your room right now.”
I should have said, “Thanks for doing a neat job.”
I often said, “Don’t forget to empty the trash.”
I should have said, “You accept responsibility well.”

Expressing appreciation to children is important in creating a caring atmosphere within your family. While they need to be re-directed when necessary, they also need to know that they are appreciated for what they do right

As a parent, teacher, principal and superintendent, I had the multiple opportunities to point out what children were doing wrong. Early in my career, I realized the importance of showing “all my children” appreciation for what they did right. I also learned it is vital to let them know they are loved/cared for—regardless of their actions.

In his book, The Disconnected Generation, Josh McDowell says “when we express appreciation to young people, we give them a sense of significance. He points out that “our acceptance of young people tells them that their being matters. Expressing our appreciation to them says that their doing matters too.”

Showing sincere appreciation might also improve behavior: “The more you praise young people for what they are doing right, the less you have to criticize and discipline them for doing something wrong.”

McDowell suggests that “It isn’t a matter of not being able to find things to appreciate about your kids; it’s about disciplining yourself to speak up and tell your kids what you see—to give them honest praise for their effort.”

We need to nurture our children with a combination of unconditional acceptance, loving discipline and sincere appreciation.

Today I said, “Look at this mess!”
I failed to say, “I like the way you share with your friends.”
Today I said, “Have you finished you homework?”
I failed to say, “I’m glad you do your best.”
Today I said, “I’m too busy.”
I failed to say, “Let’s do something together.”
Today I said, “Don’t ever do that again.”
I failed to say, “I love you.”
Adapted J.A. Blevins
The “do-over” I wish for most?
I should have hugged my children more often and said:
“You are a gift! Thank you for being in my life!”
rroden@neo.rr.com